Janice C. Agne

On this day back in 1993 the world did not end, but mine did. This was the day that my mother died. April 27, 1993. Its been 17 years but the pain still feels like it was just this morning. My tears that flow are still the same that flowed back then. and it still hurts, sometimes more because now I all I have a few memories and a lot of "I wishes" to go with the pain. The wish list is too long to even list now and growing every day. I wonder why people told me at her funeral that it would get easier. Why they lied to me. Did they really think it would? I believed them too. I thought it would get easier. Although in an odd way I guess it has. See, I only know of how to live without a mother. I was 13 when she was taken from me. I have lived my entire adult life without her and went through highschool without her. I don't know what its like to have a mother to turn to through all the tough situations to talk about serious stuff with. To share funny stories of her grandbabies. So, on those things life is easier, but when the pain comes of not having her to share all those things with - the pain is worse than that it was back then. The pain is backed by 17 years of missing her and not being able to turn to her and the pain of the long "I wish" list.
What I do remember of her though is that she was the best mom a girl could ever ask for. She was my best friend. She was funny and kind and beautiful and never put herself first. She ran us kids everywhere and always got us a treat from the candy stand at the grocery store. She almost never told us No but made sure we weren't spoiled at the same time. She was stern and made sure we followed the rules and she was the strongest person I have ever known. Through her battles with cancer she never showed how scared she was or how much it upset her knowing she would never see us grow up. How hard that had to have been on her. I don't know how I could keep a straight face. She joked with us right up the end about haunting us - and then kept her word by keeping her presence in our house!
Today mom, and every day. I honor you. I miss you. I love you.